Red Dwarf

Original title : Back in the Red (1)
First Aired : 18.02.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Paul Bradley (Chen), David Gillespie (Selby), Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Karl Glenn Stimpson (MP Thornton), Kira Mirylles (Dr. Karen Newton), Andy Taylor (Counsellor McClaren)

The Story : Season 8 begins with Lister and Rimmer (now alive), in their sleeping quarters on Red Dwarf. Lister tries in vain to get Rimmer to talk to him and we then flash back to three days earlier: From where we finished the previous season, Cat pilots Starbug into RD's landing bay which is now huge. As they fly through an air vent the ship begins to shrink back to it's proper size. When they finally land (or crash), Starbug we learn that the nanobots have ressurrected the crew along with the ship. Lister thinks this is a godsend but Captain Hollister promptly arrests him and the others for stealing and then destroying a Starbug. While confined to his quarters Lister is met by the now alive Rimmer and pleads with him to help him and the others escape before they are sentenced. The Captain and the other officers are trying to figure out why they are now in deep space and how the ship has changed shape to its original design. Lister offers to help Rimmer get promoted by giving him the crews confidential files which are aboard Starbug. Rimmer gets the files and also finds the Luck Virus and Sexual Magnetism Virus (from Quarantine s5/ep3). Rimmer tries the sexual magnetism and women sudenly begin noticing him and saying hello. As he saunters down the corridors amidst several women giving him the eye, he declares: "The World Loves a Bastard!" To Be Continued.....

Original title : Back in the Red (2)
First Aired : 25.02.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Kira Mirylles (Dr. Karen Newton), Jemma Churchill (Chief Engineer), Andy Taylor (Counsellor McClaren), Karl Glenn Stimpson (MP Thornton)

The Story : Part 2 begins with Rimmer putting his plan into action. Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence (GROPE for short), is in full swing as he sucks up to Captain Hollister using the confidential files Lister promised him. However Rimmer will not help Lister and the others escape until he is promoted. Lister secretly takes some of the Luck Virus and escapes from the holding cell and heads to find his compadres. Meanwhile Kryten is classified as a woman as he has no apparent genetalia and is put in with Kochanski. This won't last long as the engineers are planning to restore him to his factory settings. One thing he cannot do is say no to a superior officer and this event ultimately happens. Lister finds Kochanski and the Cat (who is being held in the medical bay while they try to figure out exactly what he is), and the three find the no-personality Kryten. To avoid detection they dress up as the Dibbley family using mop heads as wigs and big, ugly false teeth. Upon seeing the three in their ridiculous get-up, Krytens files are corrupted almost instantly and he reverts to his usual self. While all this is going on, Rimmer is invited to dinner with the captain and some of the officers. He makes the mistake of taking some of the Sexual Magnetism virus beforehand and is led off with the female officers to have wild animal sex. Obviously Rimmer is worn out from all this and takes some anasthetic to cool down his nether regions. Captain Hollister mentions that the Dwarfers' Trial is already happening as they are in a VR suite and their escape is part of the trial. While Lister, Kochanski, Cat and Kryten begin their escape (in their heads of course), Rimmer runs to the VR suite to stop them mentioning anything about him......... To Be Continued.

Original title : Back in the Red (3)
First Aired : 04.03.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Graham McTavish (Governor Ackerman), Karl Glenn Stimpson (MP Thornton), Yasmin Bannerman (1st Ground Controller), Jeillo Edwards (2nd Ground Controller)

The Story : Rimmer and Lister are trying to adjust to life in prison given that they are in the worst area you could possibly get. They go on about trying to survive the next two years there as we fade into.... Two Days Earlier: From where we left off, Lister, Kochanski, Cat and Kryten are dressed up as the Dibbley family and making their escape. What they don't know is that they are hooked up to a VR suite and all of this is a simulation. They climb aboard a Blue Midget, which is very different to what we have seen before. It is now a large vehicle which stands upright on two massive legs. After a fabulous display from the Cat where he tap dances with the Midget, they make their escape. Rimmer gets into the VR suite and types a command to erase any references to the deal he and Lister made. Suddenly the scene aboard the Blue Midget cuts to erase several words and it looks like a bad editing job. After several moments of jumping around they realise they are in VR and Rimmer is the one responsible for what is happening (although they can't say it because it just gets erased). Amazingly, Cat locates the kill switch for the VR program and they disappear but are then entered into the screensaver and appear as clay animations. Kryten tells them to look around for a power source to shut off the VR and again, Cat amazingly finds it on a bottle of Ketchup that he claims is a 'Power Sauce'. They escape the VR and confront Rimmer. After much arguing they decide to take Rimmer with them and they all go down (again), to the landing bay and ecsape. Holly realises that they are all still in VR because his alter-ego on the Dwarf has been rebooted. Cut to Hollister and the other Holly who are talking about what they have just witnessed. Despite being innocent of the charges, Hollister still finds them guilty of stealing confidential files and they all get their two years in jail. At their orientation in prison, Lister creeps up behind Rimmer and pours the rest of the Sexual Magnetism virus on his shoulders. Unaware, Rimmer slowly begins to notice the inmates around him casting glances in his direction, then moving closer with disturbing smiles on their faces. As pairs of grimy hands begin to fasten around his body parts, Rimmer succumbs to panic and the scene mercifully disappears from sight...

Original title : Cassandra
First Aired : 11.03.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Geraldine McEwan (Cassandra), Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Graham McTavish (Ackerman), Jake Wood (Kill Crazy)

The Story : Lister mistakenly signs the gang up for the 'Canaries', prisoners that go into dangerous situations first to ensure it is safe for the important people. Their first mission is to investigate a derilect spaceship, and our crew come across a computer called 'Cassandra' who can accurately predict the future. When she predicts that Rimmer will die when the ship disintegrates, he goes to great lengths to prevent it from happening.

Original title : Krytie TV
First Aired : 18.03.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor & Paul Alexander
Cast : Jake Wood (Kill Crazy), Graham McTavish (Ackerman)

The Story : Kryten complains to Lister about being placed in the women's wing of the prison and makes the fatal mistake of revealing he showers with them too. The male inmates want him to sneak in a camera and film them but he refuses. Kill Crazy and some other inmates reprogram him, turning him onto a ruthless entrepreneur and he creates "Krytie TV", a pay-per-view service offering "Women's Shower Night" and other events.

Original title : Pete (1)
First Aired : 25.03.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Graham McTavish (Ackerman), Andrew Olston (Max), Ricky Glover (Baxter), Ian Masters (Birdman)

The Story : Lister and Rimmer are contstantly getting into trouble. After playing a practical joke on Ackerman they are forced to play in an inmates vs guards basketball game and win by putting erectile solution in the guards drinks. Punishment for that is to peel potatoes for the next three weeks and to make that go faster they steal a programmable virus to peel them but it ends up eating their clothes and hair. Punishment for that is to spend three weeks in the Hole where they meet Birdman, who has been in there for nine years and has only one friend, a sparrow named Pete. Meanwhile Kryten, Cat and Kochanski are sent aboard a derelict ship where they find a device which can change the time stream surrounding an object or person to make it move extremely slow or fast and decide to use it to make their prison sentences go by in a flash. On Red Dwarf they freeze the crew and break Lister, Rimmer and Birdman out of the hold. Unfortunately Pete dies and Kryten tries to use the device to bring him back but accidentally reverses his evolution by several million years, turning Pete into a T-Rex.....

Original title : Pete (2)
First Aired : 01.04.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor & Paul Alexander
Cast : Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Jake Wood (Kill Crazy), Ricky Glover (Baxter), Ian Masters (Birdman)

The Story : Our crew desperately try to turn Pete back into a sparrow before the time freeze wears off but Pete eats a scutter who was holding the time wand. The crew put out a heap of food for Pete and he eats it but then runs amok on the ship. Meanwhile the freeze wears off and Rimmer and Lister are hauled in front of Hollister who gives them a long and detailed account of how Pete ate almost all of the ship's supplies and then was sick. The time wand is retrieved and Hollister demands that they turn Pete back to normal. Lister and Rimmer complete the task and destroy the time wand, but they notice all too late that Pete had laid an egg that begins to hatch...

Original title : Only The Good...
First Aired : 05.04.1999 (UK)
Director : Ed Bye
Writing credits : Doug Naylor
Cast : Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Graham McTavish (Ackerman), Heidi Monsen (Talia), Ricky Glover (Baxter), David Verrey (Big Meat), Tony Slattery (Candy Dispenser)

The Story : An escape pod docks with the Dwarf and is carrying the only survivor of a ship which was attcked by a genetically-engineered corrosive lifeform. Unfortunately, the corrosive material is also on board and begins to eat away at Red Dwarf. Meanwhile Lister tricks Kryten into believeing that Kochanski's 'time-of-the-month' is an event to be celebrated and he embarrasses himself in front of her. Plotting revenge, Kryten steals four flagons of illegal alcohol from an inmate and leaves it in Lister and Rimmer's cell just before an inspection. Lister discovers the alcohol and he and Rimmer are forced to drink it before their inspection. They only take one mouthful out of the bottle and are immediately drunk. Meanwhile, the crew learn of the lifeform destroying Red Dwarf and plan to abandon ship, leaving the prisoners aboard to die. The gang figure out a way to combat the lifeform by creating a doorway into an opposite universe and finding the opposite to the corrosive material. Rimmer goes through the doorway first but the machine malfunctions and he is stuck there until the others can fix it. Rimmer finds the formula for the opposite substance and goes back to his reality, but he learns that the ship is rapidly breaking apart and the others are nowhere to be found. He goes to make the formula but realises that it has reverted to the corrosive substance and is useless. He is knocked out and lies on the floor awaiting the inevitable when the Grim Reaper appears and tells him that his time has come. Rimmer gets up and unceremoniously knees Death in the groin, and quips: "Remember, Only The Good Die Young!" THE END...... THE SMEG IT IS!!!